On Thursday nights, I help lead a Young Life small group of college guys. Last week, we talked about marriage and I gave them the opportunity to ask questions. “Does marriage get boring?” was one of them. When I asked them what they thought, most of them seemed to think that it did.
How would you answer?
As I write this, Robyn and I are a little over 24 hours from hitting our one-billionth second of marriage. It’s fun that it just happens to fall on Valentine’s Day. (A billion seconds is about four months shy of 32 years for those keeping score.) So here’s what I can say about marriage becoming boring…if there’s some set period of time after which it happens, we’re not there yet.
Fortunately, our marriage is more fun and exciting and purposeful than it’s ever been. But can marriage get boring?
Absolutely. Here’s a recipe for growing a boring one…
Stop growing. Don’t read. Don’t listen to podcasts. Don’t expose yourself to new ideas.
Have no goals and pursue no desires.
Put yourself first and only meet your spouse’s needs if yours are met first.
Keep your focus on how bad your circumstances are and all the things that are wrong in your life and your marriage.
Constantly compare your spouse to others.
Go to any lengths to make your spouse understand you, but don’t try to first understand.
Live for small things like money, not great things like the Kingdom of God.
Let your appearance go.
Don’t seek help for the same negative emotions you’ve battled all your life.
If you must have sex, let it be infrequent and in the same way every time.
Let romance die after the newlywed phase.
Be serious all the time.
Be your spouse’s biggest critic. Most of your communication should be about what your spouse does wrong.
Hold grudges. Offer forgiveness sparingly.
Actually, this recipe is better for creating a marriage that ends in divorce. If, on the other hand, you’d like to create the marriage you’ve always wanted, download my complimentary eBook, “Friend and Lover.” You can get it here: