I love watching the Olympics. I especially love the winter games. Every event is fascinating to me. I’m in awe of anyone who can cross country ski 18 miles. Or ski down a mountain at 70 miles per hour. Or do a 1080 on a snowboard. Years of dedication and hard work go into competing at that level. Not every Olympic athlete wins a medal, but they all have a goal of being the best they can be.

What if you approached your marriage with the same perspective?

Winning a gold medal is an incredible achievement, but it’s not even close to being as important as your marriage.

So what if you decided to be the absolute best husband or wife you could be?

One of the very first things you will have to do is see yourself differently. An Olympic speed skater has a different mindset than the person who throws on a pair of skates for fun once in awhile. An Olympian thinks like an Olympian, talks like an Olympian, trains like an Olympian and competes like an Olympian.

If your goal is to be the very best husband or wife you can be, then you’ll need to see yourself that way. Your thinking and your focus will change. Old thoughts or habits that don’t line up with your new identity will be replaced with actions that put your spouse before yourself. A great husband focuses on his wife’s needs, not just his own. And a great wife focuses on her husband’s needs, not just her own.

The best thing you can do for your marriage is to decide right now that you will be the best husband or wife you can be. Your new identity is “world class husband or wife.” It’s okay if you make mistakes. It’s okay if you don’t feel like a gold medal spouse. The best Olympic athletes still fail big sometimes, but they pick themselves up and keep going.

Of course changing your identity is just the first step. The sacrifices, the training, the learning, the hard work–all that comes next, but it begins with a decision. It begins with choosing to adopt a new identity. It has to start there, because if you don’t believe it first, you’ll never live it out.