Yesterday, my sermon asked (and answered) the question, “How Can I Keep My Marriage Hot?” The response was very positive. Although I did have one elderly woman shake her head and say “I’m old school.” I encouraged her to NOT listen to the supplemental “adult only” podcast I’d recorded a couple days earlier!
If you’d like to listen to the sermon, you can find it at www.churchatark.com. Click on the link in the upper right corner of the home page. The “adult only” podcast is hidden. You’ll need the web address to find it. If you’re college age or older, you can ask me for it.
Here’s the overview of what I shared in my message on Sunday morning:
A HOT marriage involves spiritual, emotional and physical connection. Experiencing just one or two is less than what God intended. If you can remember three words, then you can remember the elements of a HOT marriage. Fortunately, each word forms the acronym HOT.
Humility
Read Philippians 2:1-8. Even though He was God, Jesus laid aside His rights as God and became a servant. Jesus is our model for laying our lives down and putting our mate’s needs before our own. This is the cornerstone of a HOT marriage. Make it your goal to outdo your spouse in meeting each other’s needs. Do not cling to your rights. Do not make your needs the priority. Put your husband or wife before yourself.
The bad news? You can’t do it. You don’t have the power to pull it off. Everything in you clings to your rights and desires. The good news? Jesus can live His life through you by the power of the Holy Spirit. We tap into his power when we surrender control of our lives to Him. There’s no other way.
Talk
Don’t worry, we’ll get back to the “O” word! Talking builds an emotional connection. For some reason, this is easier when we’re dating or engaged. Once we get married, talking seems to get more difficult. There’s just no subsitute though for talking, for sharing from your heart.
Guys, this is especially important for our wives. They must feel an emotional connection with us. If talking is hard for you, then begin with a letter or an email. Begin to share some of your feelings, your hopes, your dreams, your disappointments. Your wife needs to know what’s going on inside you.
Oh My!
The other “O” word didn’t seem to work very well in a Sunday morning worship service, but you get the point. A physical or sexual connection is critical to a marriage. If it’s missing in your marriage or not all you’d like it to be, let me encourage you to talk. Be honest with each other. Bedroom problems are not solved in the bedroom. If there are issues, then most likely there’s a relationship issue.
It’s important that you make this area of the marriage a priority. Wives, your husband needs you to respond sexually. When you do, he feels respected and validated as a man. On the other hand, rejecting him in this area can crush him.
A couple suggestions: throw away the head-to-toe flannel. Men are visual, so be visually giving in the bedroom. Let him see you. Don’t turn out the lights and run for the covers. Also, initiate with him. Let him know you want him. And don’t be afraid to get creative. Add a little spice now and then.
One other thought in this area. Guys, if you’re into pornography, you need to know it’s killing your marriage and killing your wife. Stop. If you’ve tried to stop and you can’t, then get help. Pornography is a trap that will pull you further and further in until you’ve lost your marriage and your family.
I covered a lot more in the sermon and the special podcast, but you’ve got the overview here. If you’ve got comments or questions, I’d love to hear them.