My two oldest daughters are pregnant, so Robyn and I will become grandparents this year! I can’t help thinking back twenty-nine years ago to when we became parents for the first time. The picture below is us with our oldest daughter, Rachel, when she was a couple days old. I remember being amazed they actually made us take her home from the hospital. By ourselves! Didn’t they know we had no idea what we were doing?
This next picture is me with our youngest child, Rob, who leaves for Navy basic training in twenty-seven days. I think I was starting to figure out the dad thing, at least a little, by this point. In between Rachel and Rob, we had two other amazing daughters, Erica and Amy.
So if I could go back to 1986 before Rachel was born and have a few words with myself about being a dad…what would I say? What would you tell yourself? What advice would you offer your own sons or sons-in-law about being a dad in that first year?
Here’s what I came up with:
1. Walk with God.
Your relationship with God is the foundation for everything else in your life. If you’re not seeking God and getting to know Him better, then your life is being built on sand.
You and your wife need God’s wisdom, grace, power and guidance. It’s your role to take the lead in seeking God together.
The goal of parenting is not for your child to some day earn straight A’s or a football scholarship. It’s not to work in a certain profession or make a lot of money. The goal of parenting is to raise children who walk with God and advance His kingdom. You can’t raise children who do that if you’re not doing it.
Set aside time to pray and read the Bible daily. It might be a luxury your wife doesn’t have.
2. Put your wife’s needs first.
This is how you practically love her. To do this, you need to know what her needs are. If you’re not sure, then ask her. For now, start here:
- Take the baby for a few hours, so your wife can nap, workout, read her Bible or whatever.
- Come home early from work to help however you can.
- Do the laundry.
- Cook dinner then clean the kitchen.
- Change diapers.
- Take the baby for a few hours.
- Compliment your wife on what a great mother she is.
- Write her love notes.
- Call her just say, “I love you.”
- Share with her what you’re reading in the Bible.
- Take the baby for a few hours.
3. Understand your wife is exhausted.
She is physically, emotionally and spiritually wiped out. She is sleep deprived. She’s stressed. And her hormones are all over the place. Whether your wife is working full-time, part-time or is at home full-time—there is no harder job than being the mother of a young child. If you doubt it, then trade places with her for a day.
For example, here’s how you and I take a trip to the store: we get in the car, drive to the store, buy what we need and drive back home. No big deal, right?
Here’s how your wife does it now: She gets herself and the baby dressed (much harder than it sounds). She times the trip just right so feedings and naps aren’t interrupted. Then just as she’s about to put the baby in the carseat, the sweet little child throws up on her. Now it’s back in the house to change.
As she straps the baby into the car seat for the second attempt, she hears a grunt, then smells the results. It’s back in the house to change a diaper. The contents of the diaper aren’t confined to the diaper, so she also has to put new clothes on the baby. She feels blessed if it’s not on her too.
The third attempt to head to the store is on track until she realizes she left her keys in her purse which is in the house. She doesn’t feel good about leaving the baby in the car, so they both head inside.
Now it’s almost time to feed the baby, so she sits down to do that. And that’s when she notices the dishes in the sink from yesterday and the pile of laundry that still hasn’t been put away.
This is the time for you to step up and serve her. This is not the time to put in more hours at work. Come home early and serve.
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