When I was a kid, I loved watching C-SPAN. In particular, I loved watching the speeches on the floor of the House of Representatives. Yes, I know how geeky that sounds.
One of the things the Representatives would always say is, “I reserve the right to revise and extend my remarks.” I take that to mean, “I might change my mind, so don’t hold this against me.”
In that spirit, I reserve the right to revise and extend my remarks when it comes to teaching on marriage. Robyn and I have been married for almost 27 years and by implementing the teaching I’ll share below, we are experiencing some profound and even mysterious changes in our relationship. Our relationship is more thrilling and fulfilling than at any point in our marriage.
And yet I know we don’t understand everything and there’s still so much more to learn. So join us in the journey…
Genesis 2:18 says: The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Even after pronouncing all of creation “good,” God reveals that something is not good. It’s not good for the man to be alone. Even though Adam had an unhindered relationship with God, but God Himself says it’s not enough. So He chooses to create a woman through whom He would meet some of the man’s needs.
It’s unfortunate that the Hebrew words for “helper suitable” don’t translate any better than that. It makes the woman sound like an assistant to the man. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
Maybe the best way to understand this phrase is to know that the Hebrew words being used here for “helper suitable” twice refer to the woman God was creating for Adam and 19 times to refer to God Himself and His role over the nation of Israel.
Think about that for a minute. God intentionally chooses to use the same language to describe a wife that He uses to describe Himself. That’s huge! The woman is not less than the man. She’s not the man’s assistant. She’s every bit his equal. Her role is even equated with God’s role. Again, those aren’t my words, they’re His.
Something big is going on here. Really big. There are very powerful, mysterious forces at work in this relationship between a man and a woman.
Now jump to Proverbs 31:10-12 with me…
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
Again, it’s unfortunate how verse 10 gets translated. The Hebrew word for “noble character” actually means: “strength, might, efficiency, wealth, army.”
It sure seems that God had something more in mind than just “noble character.” Not that noble character is a bad thing, but I think we’ve missed something in the translation from Hebrew to English. What if the good thing to find is a wife who has the strength of an army?
Verse 11 says he has “full confidence” in her. This Hebrew word can also be translated: “to trust in, to feel secure, to feel safe.” When a husband finds a wife who is strong and one whom he can trust with his life, then he experiences good from her, not harm. Do you feel the power in that? The power for good? The potential power for harm?
Let’s look at the New Testament now. In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul is giving instructions to husbands and wives. It’s a passage that has been badly misunderstood and used by men to exercise control over their wives. And that’s sad, because when understood properly and taken in context with the rest of the Bible–it leads to a joy-filled, exciting marriage.
Paul instructs wives to submit to their husbands and husbands are instructed to love their wives just as Christ loved the church, but then he drops this on us, “This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.”
So the wife is to submit to the leadership of her husband, just as she would to Christ, by willingly placing herself under his care and protection. God then uses her husband to love her and lead her and bless her.
A husband is to love his wife by laying down his life for her just as Christ did for the church. He puts her needs above his own. He helps her become all she is meant to be. He nurtures and cares for her just as he would do for himself.
And when a husband and wife live that way–it’s a profound mystery. It’s an image of Christ’s relationship with the church. And that’s where we begin to see very powerful forces at work. The marriage relationship is unlike any other. Marriage alone can give us a picture of how God relates to His people.
The goal of marriage is oneness–two people becoming one. No wonder it can sometimes be so difficult and even volatile. Two very different people. Broken people. Coming together to be one. It can be the best of times or the worst of times.
The best of times when we do it God’s way. The worst of times when we don’t.
This kind of relationship only works when both the husband and wife are committed to knowing and loving God above everyone and everything else. It can’t work any other way. Marriage was God’s idea. It’s a spiritual relationship. It’s a profound mystery. It gives us a picture of God’s relationship with His people. How could we ever think it would work without God at the center of it and of our lives?
Can you see the incredible potential of marriage when done God’s way?
The wife submits to her husband and the husband loves his wife by giving up his life for her. He sacrifices for her to meet her needs before his own and works to help her become all she was designed to be while at the same time placing his trust in her. She takes seriously his trust and her role, knowing that she alone has been placed in his life by God to meet needs no one else can meet and to do him good, not harm all the days of her life.
Once again, I reserve the right to revise and extend my remarks…