I just got off the phone with my oldest daughter. She’s married and lives in Oceanside, California. We covered a number of subjects, but mostly talked about marriage and family…and making a decision.

My dad didn’t have a good childhood. To be more specific, he didn’t have a good father. I never really knew my grandfather on my dad’s side. He died when I was very young. I think I do remember one thing though–he had a stick in his hand and was chasing me around a little fenced in yard. If I remember right, the stick had a nail in it. I was probably around three-years-old.

My dad played high school football. After serving in the navy, he went on to play college football. In his first game as a college player, he intercepted a pass and returned it for a touchdown. His father never saw it. In fact, his father never saw any of my dad’s games. Not high school. Not college.

My dad didn’t talk much about his father, but once described him this way: “He was a mean man.” You can see why.

So what happened to my dad? How did he turn out to be the incredible father that he was? Sure, he made mistakes (like we all do), but I was incredibly blessed to have him as my dad. He was nothing like his father.

My dad not only came to my football games, but he once drove 250 miles to see me play a game at Cornell on a Friday night, then we drove together all the way back to New Jersey, so I could be home for the weekend. It wasn’t just seeing me play football though. My dad was generous, encouraging and supportive. He was loving, caring and faithful. He was a good, kind man.

I wish he was still alive, so I could ask him how he did it. Did he just decide one day to not be like his father? Did he decide he would be the generation that would change everything? I think he must have.

In the spring of 1987, Robyn and I had been married for about a year and a half. We went to our second Weekend to Remember marriage conference. During that weekend, I realized I was not a good husband. In fact, I stunk at it. I was selfish and was not meeting Robyn’s needs. I made a decision that weekend to be the best husband I could be.

I’m still more selfish than I’d like to be. And I fail more often than I’d like to in meeting Robyn’s needs, but I think she’d agree that we have a great marriage and each year only gets better. It wasn’t just my decision though, I’m sure she decided many years ago to be the best wife she could be. And she has been.

So what will you decide? Will you be the best husband or wife you can be? Will you be the best mom or dad you can be?

Don’t blame your past. My dad could have done that. Don’t blame your spouse. Just do what you know to do.

Decide now. It not only effects your spouse and children, but your grandchildren…and great-grandchildren…and so on.