I’ll confess, I don’t know much about electricity. Although I guess I know enough to understand you don’t mess around with it. That’s why I shut off the breaker whenever I’m doing anything more involved than changing a light bulb, which admittedly, isn’t very often.

I also know when something won’t turn on, it’s worth checking the breaker. A few weeks ago, my Snoopy and Santa Claus Christmas decorations wouldn’t inflate. The problem wasn’t actually the breaker, but those little green buttons you see in the image above. An outlet hidden behind a few boxes of cereal had those too and needed to be re-set.

The problem was it had been raining and I’d used indoor extension cords outdoors. Like I said, I don’t know much about electricity. After I pushed the little green button and used the correct extension cords, we were good to go.

Whether it’s the breaker or one of those green buttons, when it trips, there’s no more power. And sometimes, you just have no idea what’s going to cause a breaker to trip. It could be something dumb like I did. Or it could be trying to plug too many lights or appliances into outlets on the same circuit. One minute things are okay…and the next minute they’re not.

Actually though, things aren’t really okay, are they? Someone with a knowledge of electricity could have told me I was going to have trouble once it rained. At a church I was on staff at, the circuit breaker would trip if you had the large coffee pot going at the same time the lights were on their brightest setting.

I’ve also observed something very similar happen in a number of marriages. I’ll use the husband as the example since that’s what I usually see.

From his perspective, things are just fine. The marriage might not be great, but it seems to be functioning normally to him. And then one day, for seemingly no reason, the circuit breaker in his wife’s heart trips.

He’s seen this kind of thing before so he starts changing bulbs or trying a new outlet or whatever it was that worked before. He apologizes. He says he’ll listen more or try harder. He promises to do better from now on. And that has always worked in the past. She believed him or at least hoped he meant what he said.

But the power doesn’t come back on this time. His wife isn’t responding. The lights aren’t coming back on like they always have. He tries to flip the circuit breaker by really promising to do better. He even suggests going to church or seeing a counselor.

Everything seemed good yesterday. Why won’t she light back up today?

Then he starts hearing things like, “I don’t love you any more.” Or, “I’m going to see an attorney.”

And once it gets to that point, it’s almost always over. I’m not saying it’s hopeless. I believe God can do anything, but once the circuit breaker in her heart (or his) trips, it’s too late.

He overloaded the circuit of his wife’s heart. The breaker tripped. And it’s not coming back on. Not again.

So what is it that overloads the circuit in a woman’s heart?

• Being ignored.
• Being taken for granted.
• Being yelled at.
• Having her need for emotional connection go unmet.
• Carrying the load at home and with the kids mostly by herself.
• Being controlled or micro-managed.
• Being criticized.
• Never hearing how beautiful, special or wonderful she is.
• Being abused.
• Not being pursued.
• Not being romanced.
• Not being encouraged.

The list could go on.

If I’d known the extension cords I was using were going to cause a power failure, I would have done something different.

What about you?

Are you about to overload the circuit in your wife’s heart? When you do, are you okay with the fact that it’s very likely not going to come back on?

Men (or women), are you even aware of the things you’re doing or not doing that are leading to the overload?

May I suggest you go ask right now?

“…each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  (Ephesians 5:33)